Wrapping Up 2015

On New Year's Eve of 2014, I chose a word to describe my vision for my life in 2015. The word was 'Thrive.' I chose it because I had been working hard during the few years prior, to shift my perspective in life from 'surviving' to 'thriving,' and I wanted to constantly remind myself this year:

We are no longer in survival mode -- we are ready to thrive!

At the time I chose this word, I had been a nanny for the adorable little boy of a couple of family friends for just a couple of months, following about a year of working for Youth City, where I was facilitating after-school programming for kids in Salt Lake City between the ages of 7 - 18. I was also teaching French classes to 5th-8th graders at the Salt Lake Arts Academy a couple of afternoons a week, and I felt more at peace on a day-to-day basis than I had in years. I was indeed feeling ready to thrive! During the first few months of 2015, I began considering career options that I hadn't before, such as becoming a full-time nanny/au pair, or co-operating a pre-school/day-care center based around ideals of humanistic, diversity-minded, child-centered, and (loosely) attachment-parenting-styled care.

By the time the summer rolled around, however, I had realized that the things I was loving most about being a nanny were connected to the very things I loved about teaching. I determined that if I didn't do everything I could to apply for teaching positions, and give a fair shot to becoming a full-time teacher, I would look back years down the road, and regret that decision not to try ... I've wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember, and I've loved every minute I've spent in front of a classroom of youth. So when I realized what exactly had been holding me back/making me hesitate (the fear that I would somehow fail at being an effective teacher once I was in a full-time position), I was able to kick that fear to the curb (I had no proof to back up that fear -- every teaching opportunity I'd had in my life so far had been successful and rewarding) and begin applying my heart out!

I am now teaching two days a week at a public charter school in Provo, Utah, which is a bit of an unpleasant commute, but I absolutely love the classes I'm teaching, the kids, parents, and staff I'm working with, as well as the overall vision and mission of the school. It's not full time, but it is turning out to be the perfect stepping stone toward the career goals I've set.

Through the ups and downs of this year, as I've wished I could do more to help those closest to me through their struggles and difficulties, I've continually come back to this word, thrive. When faced with giant, seemingly insurmountable challenges, I've been able to breathe, meditate, and slow down enough to ask - when I make this decision, will it be a decision that will help me continue to thrive? So it's been a great year, overall! When I have a word like that to guide me, it really doesn't matter what challenges life throws my way, because I know I will face all of them with an eye toward what thriving looks like to me. What will help me thrive today? What will help me thrive tomorrow, and next week, and next month, and next year? It's been wonderful to have that perspective.

Also, I've lost (and kept off) 12 lbs. during the past few months, so I'm feeling very literally lighter with every step I take. Thriving, to me, has a lot to do with making healthy and happy choices on a day to day basis, so when I've seen those numbers on my scale steadily rise over the years, I've known that I have to make conscious, deliberate, mindful choices to change my habits and challenge my status-quo, if that status-quo is not a healthy one that will contribute to my life-long wellness!

As 2015 wraps up, I've begun considering what word I'll be choosing for 2016. Some top contenders: health; wellness; joy ... whichever word I choose, though, I know this is going to be an excellent year! I'm not delusionally oblivious to the very real stressors and challenges that life will be throwing my way, but I am demandingly optimistic that my attitude will be helping me to find the positivity in every possible moment. Even when we are in pain -- we are alive! And as long as we are living, we can be choosing in every possible moment to be well, even by making the smallest of changes and actions that promote well-being.

A Day For Moms

Mother's Day is one of my favorite holidays, because I am reminded around this time of year just how many amazing moms and women are in my life. My biological Mother's birthday is coming up soon, so she's often on my mind in the month of May, but the Mother's Day holiday reminds me every year of all the many women I love. 

Mama Judy, who married my Dad when I was 14 ... my big sister Lindsay, who has four little ones ages 6 and under now ... my sisters in-law who are raising adorable nieces and nephews I love ... my closest friend Lindsay I've known since we were 12, who is the newest 1st-time mom I know ... and all my coupled and single friends, those who hope to have kids of their own someday, as well as those who know they'll never want to raise little ones of their own. 

Being a mother doesn't make you a woman, any more than being a woman means you must at some point in your life be a mother. But all the women and all the mothers in my life have something about them I love and admire. It isn't one single thing, either, like ' kindness' or 'compassion,' because all the men and fathers in my life are kind, compassionate people as well. It isn't gender-specific, like all the women are loving or selfless, either. Because all my favorite people know when it's important to sacrifice their wants for the greater good, and when it's important to take care of their own needs so that they can then have more to give to others.

There's something very non-gender-binary and universal that I love about all the women and mothers in my life ... It's something kind, yet fierce ... Compassionate, yet practical ... Its a sense of realness and genuine love they all have in their hearts and minds. You know who you are! You are tough, firm, and gracious. You are strong, flexible, and brave. You tell those you love what you need, want, and expect ... And you understand that while life isn't always fair, you do always have control over your own perspective and attitude. 

You are my sheroes, and your herstories will be the ones I tell my own nieces and nephews and sons and daughters. This Day For Moms, I honor and celebrate you all! Thank you for being purely YOU, the exact human I can point to and say, 'See her? You could be like her someday!' 

L'amour plus fort que la haine

This phrase, "L'amour plus fort que la haine" was on the cover of one of the first magazine covers I found when I searched for the cartoons of Charlie Hebdo, wondering what could have caused such ire in the hearts and minds of the terrorists who killed 12 in Paris a few short weeks ago. It  translates, roughly, to:

Love is stronger than hate.

I have a t-shirt from the Human Rights Campaign that displays a similar sentiment:



Mere days before these attacks, I had finished penning an invocation -- a plea, a hope for humanity -- as a response to the many recent killings of black Americans at the hands of white American police officers. Outcries of #BlackLivesMatter, #JeSuisCharlie, and #NAACPBomb do little to assuage my pain and heartache at the situations in which we are finding ourselves as humans in 2015.

This year, I am entering my third decade. And it won't be a silent one . . . not that my years leading up to this moment in my life have been all that introverted and quiet, granted. But my passion is only building. I will not release or diminish the dreams I held as a child that this world could be fair, just, and loving! I refuse to 'grow up,' if 'growing up' means giving up, sitting down, or shutting up.

I urge you to join me in continuing to raise awareness for injustices in our world -- but far more importantly, I beg of you to join me in spreading joy, love, and peace in the smallest-seeming places in which we find ourselves each day.

Make time to pet your dog, cat, or bunny while you feed them today -- to truly feel their presence, and be grateful for their places in your homes. Watch your fish in their tank as they swim, and laugh at their funny habits.

Find an opportunity to put down your smart devices and turn off your screens, to truly connect -- viscerally and passionately -- with your family. Call them, if you don't live with them. Just to simply ask how they are, and say you love them. Look them in the eye, if they live with you -- not just as you briefly kiss them hello or goodbye, but an extra, added little while . . . touch their face. Remember what they feel like. Look them in the eyes.

Make a child laugh . . . and laugh yourself!

Do these things every single day, and believe it or not, they will change the world -- yours, and the worlds of those closest to you. And those changes will ripple out further and further. Together, we can and will change this world, because love is stronger than hate.

Here is the Hope for Humanity I wrote because #BlackLivesMatter. According to the New York Times, "One reason the chant ‘Black Lives Matter’ is so important is that it states the obvious but the obvious has not yet been historically realized."

I am holding a hope in my heart . . .

a hope for this human race, in which we all take part.

My heart is hurting with hope . . . 

that Eric Garner, age 43, was not murdered for naught;

that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., age 39, was not assassinated in vain;

that Darrin Hunt, age 22, was not shot dead for nothing;

that Michael Brown, age 18, was not attacked and killed for no reason.

My mind is mourning each of these merciless murders . . . and many more,

while my heart, heedless to these repeated horrors, adheres to a faint 

but palpable hope that there will not be yet another senseless, cruel death

next week, tomorrow, or this very next hour, minute, or second.

I am raising my reasoning and respect for all Americans - and all human beings -

who refrain from answering pleas of "I Can't Breathe!" with chokeholds!

I am pleading with the peace-keepers to please, please pardon 

the pejorative insults persistent youth are hurling at systems of injustice.

I am begging every brother, sister, father, mother, daughter, son, boy, and girl alive

to treasure life - all life - so fiercely . . . to respect and guard and honor

every human being as they would their very own girl or boy, daughter or son,

father or mother, sister, or brother. 

As we listen to every excruciating cry of these, our fellow humans who are dying, 

May we hold this hope in our hearts, that their harrowing, heartrending cries 

will never fall on apathetic hearts, numbed to injustice, or blighted by dispassion.

May our hearts hold up hope, as a beacon to obliterate apathy, injustice, and dispassion.

May our minds maintain the momentum needed to turn this hope into action.

May our human race collectively humanize the de-humanized.

May our journeys collide, and may all our hopes ignite the fires of compassion, 

to heal all the hopeless hearts.

Happy & Healthy Holidays

Since September, I have been participating in Health Challenges led by an aunt of mine, whom I have seen make incredibly impressive strides toward healthier living in recent years.

When I began these Health Challenges, I did so for two main reasons. The first was weight-management. At that point, I had reached a higher weight than ever before, I no longer fit into any of the jeans I had been wearing for years, and I was constantly feeling unhealthy when I looked at my ever-expanding stomach. I read about weight gain in the abdominal region being the most potentially damaging type, and was becoming worried about my future ability to ward off disease. I will be turning 30 in just one month! So all this year, future health has been on my mind.

The second reason was that I wanted to begin seriously preparing my body for the possibility of becoming pregnant. I would like to be living in my youngest-feeling, most-healthy body possible when I have children . . . not only so that I can carry them healthily through pregnancy, but so that I can roll around and laugh and play with them once they arrive! I want to offer my best to my kids . . . but even if for some reason I never bear children of my own, I know that I want to also offer my best to myself. If I'm ever going to teach my younger siblings, nieces & nephews, or students that they are deserving of all the best this world has to offer, I have to start believing that for myself! And if I deserve the best, most healthy body possible, I know I have to show myself that I am worth cooking & exercising for.

This Holiday Season has already begun, and I recently celebrated the best Thanksgiving of my 30 years alive so far. With family on Thursday, and friends on Saturday, I managed not only to refrain from over-eating and to take smaller samplings of each available dish, but also to lose 1 lb. the week of the feasting! I haven't been depriving myself of things that I love, so much as I have been celebrating all the many delicious (and nutritious) things that I love, that my body also loves. I've been listening to my body (which rewards sugar intake with headaches) and reacting to my hunger and thirst in healthy ways. It's a beautiful thing, tracking every bite and sip we intake, increasing our awareness of how we are treating the body we are living inside . . . this is it, folks. This is the body you were born into, and it's the body you'll leave when you die. We should treat it as the precious, surprising, amazing, curious, living, breathing flesh it is!

I hope, if you are reading this, that you will remember to breathe and listen to your beautiful body this winter, as well -- may your Holidays be Happy & Healthy!

 

Summer Reading

My Dad and Wicked Stepmother moved to California a few months ago.

They had been living a mere half-an-hour away from my home in Salt Lake City, Utah for more years than I could count . . . their home was where I lived during my final two years in high school, and where I knew I could always find shelter, good food, laughter, and love whenever I needed it.

Since my early teen years, my Dad & Judy have been two of my most trusted mentors, advice-givers, film & literature critics & connoisseurs, life-supporters, and, perhaps best of all, friends. They have been supportive, and often even nonchalant & unfazed, during many of my most humiliating growing-up years. They have taught me not only to love living life to its brim, but to express that love for life with a wisdom, grace, and calm confidence I can only hope to emulate.

Their relationship has served as a beacon of hope through difficult relationships I've come through, and their strength, creativity, and passion for learning have inspired me to live my life in stronger, more creative, and more passionate ways. I am sure they'll never fully know the gratitude I hold for them. How can we, as children, ever fully show our parents the measure of gratitude that would ever be commensurate to what they have given us in love & support, through all the hardest times of our lives, let alone for the one gift they gave us, to which no other gift can compare -- Life?

My Dad gave me life originally, along with my Mom, and he has continued to give me all the life worth living that he has had to offer. And Judy, knowingly or not, gave me life again, through junior high & high school, by recognizing symptoms of depression and anxiety that, had they gone untreated, could have resulted in the gravest of outcomes. The teenage years are times of hardship, confusion, painful transition, and growth -- for every teen, and for every parent! So I know how much I truly have to be grateful for, with these two loving parents for friends.

Their home, now in California, will continue to be a place where I can find shelter, good food, laughter, and love for many years to come, so there is no mourning necessary! Of course, I miss them dearly. But I also have the pleasure of talking with them often, and now having a great excuse to vacation near Yosemite National Park.

One of the final requests I made of my Dad before he moved away, was that he let me in on his reading lists. My Dad is an exceptionally talented artist, writer, and computer graphic designer. One of his many creative endeavors of late is his blog on writing, which he calls The Leaky Pen 2.0. It's this awesome collection of thoughts, inspiration, advice, and encouragement for writers of all stripes. Whether you write news articles, blogs, humor columns, screenplays, fiction, non-fiction, or anything else, The Leaky Pen offers jump-starts to creativity in every way imaginable. I love reading every post, thinking about what he might come up with next, and, most of all, learning about what all the famous writers he spotlights have (or had) to say about writing.

So this summer, I've gotten in on the action! Dad told me the next author he would be spotlighting (he writes about one author a month, to honor them in the month they were born) was George Orwell, and the book he would be reading was "Animal Farm." I was thrilled, since I loved reading "1984" (once in high school and again as an adult) and had always been curious about Orwell's other work. It was extremely enjoyable to plow right through that one, as short as it was, and to laugh with my Dad on the phone about every genius thing the Pigs had said.

After Animal Farm (which was a blast to read aloud with friends, by the way), we tackled "The Sun Also Rises," by Ernest Hemingway. This was a surprisingly enjoyable read, since I hated it for the first few chapters. The writing felt bland, a bit like the main character was simply writing laundry-lists of what had happened to him day by day . . . "I went to work. This guy came to visit me. I tried to get rid of him by taking him out to coffee and hinting I needed to get back to work. He didn't take the hint and followed me back up to my office. Then we went out to eat. Then these other people met up with us."

Had I not been reading this one alongside my Dad, I probably would have put it out of sight, out of mind, shortly after opening it to give it a chance. However, I was surprised to find, a few chapters in, that I legitimately cared what on earth was going to happen to the laundry-list guy, the annoying fellow following him around, as well as the other characters (one feisty woman in particular, much more interesting to me than the main guy) he met/interacted with along his way.

The bull fights were intriguingly disturbing to read about, and there were surprising developments and increasingly entertaining dialogues as the novel continued. Excellent read.

Now, I've got to admit I'm no horror fan. So, for my Dad's sake, I legitimately tried to get interested in H.P. Lovecraft's short stories. I checked out a beautiful collection of Lovecraft's writing from The Murray Library, which, in the midst of the flooring project that's been going on here in my apartment, I promptly lost.

Don't worry, I'm happy to donate the replacement cost of the book to the local library so others can enjoy Lovecraft's work! I'm sure it'll turn up around here someday, in which case maybe I'll have a good gift for my Dad, lover of horror books & films that he is. I only made it about halfway through "The Call of Cthulhu," before misplacing my copy, which was, admittedly, quite an enjoyable read. I found it similar to Shelley's "Frankenstein," or Stevenson's "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," both of which I enjoyed immensely, so I'm sure I will like it when I eventually do finish it.

As for the final book of the summer, we've only just begun reading it this week. But so far, this one is calling for the most calling! What I mean is, when I finally called to admit I hadn't finished "The Call of Cthulhu," my Dad sort of brushed that aside to say that the next author and title is William Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury," which pronouncement he followed with, "Go and get it. I need to talk to you about it." I laughed, said I would check it out that day, and call him the next. That was one of our briefer phone calls this summer, but it was followed up two days later by the following:

*Ring, Ring*

Lauren: "Hi, how are you doing?"

*angry pause*

Elaine: "I am halfway through The Sound and the Fury. How the hell do you THINK I am doing?"

*hearty laughter followed by intense, possibly hour-long conversation, including much referencing and quoting and reading aloud of passages we had both read thus far, and lots of good-natured yet frustrated bantering back-and-forth regarding character's names, relationships to other characters, and genders*

We then agreed to keep reading, taking notes, and paying attention to certain things the other had brought to attention, and I proceeded to start the book over from page one (for the third time).

Two days later, I called again, and this time, I am a bit further than him, so now I know exactly how he feels and I'm the one saying, "Read more, now! I need to talk to you about it!"

So, if you're looking for an incredibly tantalizing, challenging-to-understand, yet enchanting and miraculous book, where you'll be asking yourself, "HOW did Faulkner WRITE this!?" from page one on through, pick up "The Sound and the Fury!" Now. Then call me. 801-654-7614. We need to talk about it.

Homemade Lasagna and Chicken Pot Pie

The past couple of days, I have felt an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude every time I open my refrigerator. Perhaps this is just my overly-dramatic way of appreciating that I consistently have access to nutrient-rich, organic, ethically raised & farmed foods, and that I'm married to a woman who loves to cook.

Or it could be a reflexive, visceral response, left over from times when I was much younger and would open the fridge every day after school, hoping that my family had been able to shop that day for something new & exciting to eat.

When, more often than not, there was nothing available except milk and bread, or canned applesauce and peaches from welfare pantries, my hopes would feel a bit dashed. Grateful, of course, for the shredded pieces of bread I would pour milk and sugar over for breakfasts, and the "free lunches" served at school, I was always looking forward eagerly to the few outstanding, intensely memorable occasions when my Mom would come home from a store with an abundance of foods, which she would then use to whip up delicious homemade loaves of bread, cinnamon-sugar-coated tortilla chips, fruit salads, pasta dishes, or casseroles.

These days, I can't recall the last time I had only bread & milk available to eat . . . I can't even recall the last time I purchased any type of milk or meat that was not organic or locally produced. So when I open my fridge, I am consistently filled with excitement and gratitude because these days, I have enough . . . I actually have more than enough, and it's an absolutely amazing feeling.

About a week ago, my wife and I spent a good deal of time chopping veggies, mixing various cheeses and sauces together, and layering together the ingredients for a lasagna recipe that has left us with an abundance of this delightfully tasty & filling dish to enjoy for lunches or dinners throughout the week.

Then, a couple of days ago, we worked together similarly to chop all the meat and veggies, stir together the flour-and-chicken-broth sauce, and roll out the dough for the most amazing chicken-pot-pie I've ever sunk my teeth into. Okay so when I make it again someday I'll add just a bit less salt . . . but on a perfection scale, I think it was about at 98%!

And now, when I open my fridge, there's a round container with chicken-pot-pie, a square one with lasagna, and a big round bowl full of rice . . . we won't have to use up limited after-work energy any day this week to enjoy an amazing home-cooked meal! I just had to share these successes with you all, because I would love to share recipes of things that you & your loved ones prepare over the weekends, to last you through the week! Most people I know cook this way these days, when we are all working during the days and (in my case) haven't yet figured out the slow-cooker.

So if you have a favorite prepare-ahead recipe, please share it in the comments here! If you're interested, I'll share the recipes that we've been using for these two great meals.

Good Life

I have found an incredible YouTube Chanel! It's called "UU Music and Songs," by the Davies Memorial Unitarian Universalist Church in Camp Springs, Maryland. The songs and videos here are unbelievably well-made. The one I'm inspired to write about today is a UU version of "A Good Life" by One Republic -- listen here if you're interested.

It appeals to me because this Spring has been a major time of awakening for me ... I turned 29 years old in January of this year, and as I've been coming into these springtime months, I've realized that this is the 30th Springtime that I have been alive. It's rather humbling and inspiring to think back over what has occurred in my life and in the world since 1985.

And it's simply beautiful to appreciate this Spring of 2014 with the perspective that every single year of the past three decades (and, of course, every single year before that) the Springtime has come after the cold winter months.

The cycles that we so often disregard by turning up or down our heaters, layering or peeling off layers of clothing and bedding, and spending so much time inside buildings and cars . . . they are never-ending. Really. All the apocalyptic warnings that societies have propagated and internalized time after repetitive time immemorial . . . not a one of them have "come to pass."

The realities we are facing now are realities that we and our very own ancestors have personally and collectively created. And we personally and collectively have the power to plant the seeds required to continue making our lives and the lives of others genuinely "good."